25 Signs You Have Grown Up

• Your houseplants are alive and you can't smoke any of them.
• Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
• You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
• 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
• You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
• You watch the Weather Channel.
• Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hookup" and "breakup".
• You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
• Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up".
• You're the one calling the police because those %&@#! kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
• Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
• You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
• Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
• You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
• Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
• You take naps.
• Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
• Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
• You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
• A £6.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
• You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
• "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
• 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
• You drink at home to save money instead of going to a bar.
• When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, "What happened?"

Bonus: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass.