50 pure dead giveaways that you are Scottish

• Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind is your idea of good weather.
• The only sausages you like are square.
• You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school.
• You have a wide knowledge of local words, and know: Numpty is an idiot, Aye is yes, Aye Right is No, Auldjin is someone over 40 and Baltic is cold.
• You have an irrational need to eat anything from the chippy, as long as its deep fried - Haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish, chicken and battered Mars Bars.
• You used to love destroying your teeth with - Penny Dainties, Wham Bars, Cola Cubes and Soor Plooms
• You always greet people by talking about the weather.
• Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia, Deacon Blue, Big Country, etc, you still love it when they are played in a club abroad (in fact you'll probably ask the DJ to play it)
• You have an enormous feeling of dread, even when Scotland play a diddy team.
• You are proud that Scotland has the highest number of alcohol and smoking deaths in Europe.
• You used to watch Glen Michael's Cartoon Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his lamp Paladdin.
• You got either Oor Wullie or The Broons books EVERY Christmas.
• You only enjoy Weir's Way on the telly, when you are pissed.
• You are able to recognise the regional dilect, (Glasgow) Awright pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper n'at, cheers pal, magic. (Aberdeen) Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin up tae? fair few quines in the night, min. (Inverness)Ah-eee rightenuffff! How's you keeeep eeeen?
• You know the police are about to arrive when you hear someone shout - 'Errapolis!
• You have witnessed a 'Square Go'
• You know that, when you're asked which School you attended they really mean, Are you Catholic or Proddy?
• You have eaten the following: Mince and Tatties, Tunnock's Teacakes, Snowballs and Caramel Wafers, Porridge, Macaroon Bar, Baxters Soup, Scotch Pie, Oatcakes.
• A jakey has ask you for 10p for a cuppa tea.
• You wait at the shop counter for 1p change.
• You know that the right response to 'you dancing?' is 'you askin?' followed by 'am askin' and finally 'then am dancin.
• You associated sawdust with vomit, coz the 'jannie' always, used to pour it over sick in school.
• You lose all respect for a groom who doesn't wear a kilt.
• You don't do shopping, you 'go for the messages.'
• You're on a bus and the drunk picks you to sit next to.
• You're able to conduct a 20 minute phone call using only three words - Awright, Aye and Naw.
• When you refuse the offer of a drink, you hear, 'You no well??'
• You have heard the following: You canny fling pieces oot a 20 storey flat, 700 hungry weans'll testify to that, If its butter, cheese or jelly, If the breed is plain or pan, The chances o' it reachin earth, Are ninety-nine tae wan.
• You know that going to a party means bringin a kerry-oot.
• Your holiday in Benidorm is ruined when you hear there's a heatwave back home.
• Scotland go 2-0 up against the French, and you immediately think, getting beat 3-2 was 'no a bad result
• You can pronounce: McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie and Kirkcaldy.
• You love deep fried pizza.
• You can't pass a kebab shop after being at the pub.
• You are used to four seasons in one day (winter, winter, autumn, winter)
• You can fall when drunk and not spill your drink.
• You see people wearing shellsuits with Burberry accessories and think thats class.
• You measure distance in minutes.
• You understand Rab C Nesbitt.
• You go to Saltcoats because you think its abroad.
• You can make a whole sentence using only swear words.
• You know what haggis is made of, but you still enjoy it.
• You know people who planned their weddings around football fixtures.
• You've been to a wedding and the football results have been announced at the meal.
• You are not surprised to find one shop selling ALL of the following: Pizzas, Nappies, Fags, Milk, Paint, Shoes.
• Your seaside home has calor gas under it.
• You know that Irn-Bru is a good hangover cure.
• You could swear before you could count.
• You would 'nut' a terrorist if they tried to bomb your airport.
• You are not only Scottish but Glasgwegian when you understand the following - How's it hingin?', Clatty, Boggin', Cludgie, Ba'heid, bawbag and double nougat.