50 pure dead giveaways that you are Scottish
- Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind is your idea of good weather.
- The only sausages you like are square.
- You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school.
- You have a wide knowledge of local words, and know: Numpty is an idiot, Aye is yes, Aye Right is No, Auldjin is someone over 40 and Baltic is cold.
- You have an irrational need to eat anything from the chippy, as long as its deep fried - Haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish, chicken and battered Mars Bars.
- You used to love destroying your teeth with - Penny Dainties, Wham Bars, Cola Cubes and Soor Plooms
- You always greet people by talking about the weather.
- Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia, Deacon Blue, Big Country, etc, you still love it when they are played in a club abroad (in fact you'll probably ask the DJ to play it)
- You have an enormous feeling of dread, even when Scotland play a diddy team.
- You are proud that Scotland has the highest number of alcohol and smoking deaths in Europe.
- You used to watch Glen Michael's Cartoon Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his lamp Paladdin.
- You got either Oor Wullie or The Broons books EVERY Christmas.
- You only enjoy Weir's Way on the telly, when you are pissed.
- You are able to recognise the regional dilect, (Glasgow) Awright pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper n'at, cheers pal, magic. (Aberdeen) Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin up tae? fair few quines in the night, min. (Inverness)Ah-eee rightenuffff! How's you keeeep eeeen?
- You know the police are about to arrive when you hear someone shout - 'Errapolis!
- You have witnessed a 'Square Go'
- You know that, when you're asked which School you attended they really mean, Are you Catholic or Proddy?
- You have eaten the following: Mince and Tatties, Tunnock's Teacakes, Snowballs and Caramel Wafers, Porridge, Macaroon Bar, Baxters Soup, Scotch Pie, Oatcakes.
- A jakey has ask you for 10p for a cuppa tea.
- You wait at the shop counter for 1p change.
- You know that the right response to 'you dancing?' is 'you askin?' followed by 'am askin' and finally 'then am dancin.
- You associated sawdust with vomit, coz the 'jannie' always, used to pour it over sick in school.
- You lose all respect for a groom who doesn't wear a kilt.
- You don't do shopping, you 'go for the messages.'
- You're on a bus and the drunk picks you to sit next to.
- You're able to conduct a 20 minute phone call using only three words - Awright, Aye and Naw.
- When you refuse the offer of a drink, you hear, 'You no well??'
- You have heard the following: You canny fling pieces oot a 20 storey flat, 700 hungry weans'll testify to that, If its butter, cheese or jelly, If the breed is plain or pan, The chances o' it reachin earth, Are ninety-nine tae wan.
- You know that going to a party means bringin a kerry-oot.
- Your holiday in Benidorm is ruined when you hear there's a heatwave back home.
- Scotland go 2-0 up against the French, and you immediately think, getting beat 3-2 was 'no a bad result
- You can pronounce: McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie and Kirkcaldy.
- You love deep fried pizza.
- You can't pass a kebab shop after being at the pub.
- You are used to four seasons in one day (winter, winter, autumn, winter)
- You can fall when drunk and not spill your drink.
- You see people wearing shellsuits with Burberry accessories and think thats class.
- You measure distance in minutes.
- You understand Rab C Nesbitt.
- You go to Saltcoats because you think its abroad.
- You can make a whole sentence using only swear words.
- You know what haggis is made of, but you still enjoy it.
- You know people who planned their weddings around football fixtures.
- You've been to a wedding and the football results have been announced at the meal.
- You are not surprised to find one shop selling ALL of the following: Pizzas, Nappies, Fags, Milk, Paint, Shoes.
- Your seaside home has calor gas under it.
- You know that Irn-Bru is a good hangover cure.
- You could swear before you could count.
- You would 'nut' a terrorist if they tried to bomb your airport.
- You are not only Scottish but Glasgwegian when you understand the following - How's it hingin?', Clatty, Boggin', Cludgie, Ba'heid, bawbag and double nougat.