Jackie Stewart
       

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How To Be Politically Correct

How To Speak About Women and Be Politically Correct

  1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED CITIZEN
  2. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
  3. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY
  4. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is A PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION
  5. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
  6. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
  7. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
  8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
  9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
  10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
  11. She does not have PREMIER LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
  12. She is not a TWO-BIT SLAPPER - She is a LOW COST SERVICE PROVIDER.

How To Speak About Men and Be Politically Correct

  1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
  2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
  3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
  4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
  5. He's not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
  6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
  7. He does not act like a TOTAL ARSE - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
  8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
  9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.