June 30, 2001 Saturday North Pole
'Santa Claus Slain'
Early this morning Santa Claus and three of his reindeer were brutally gunned down at the North Pole. Witnesses at the scene say Mr. Claus was practicing landing his sled for the up coming Christmas holiday when the attack occurred. The three reindeer killed at the scene are Prancer, Comet, and the well-known Rudolf. He was also affectionately called "Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer"
A spokesman at the scene said the gunman escaped and is vigorously being pursued by local authorities. A description and a sketch of the suspect will be posted through out the region as soon as possible. Witnesses say when Mr. Claus landed on his final practice run for the day the assailant ran up to Santa Claus yelling and screaming something about a skateboard. Both men threw punches before the gunman opened fire on them. All victims were pronounced dead at the scene by the North Pole coroner’s office
The whole world is in shock over this tragic event. President Bush said at a news conference that the coward responsible for this act would be caught and brought to justice. A meeting with the United Nations is scheduled for November 22, 2001 where they will vote on cancelling Christmas for this fiscal year. President Bush said that Christmas should be cancelled out of respect for Santa Claus and celebrated in silence. A cease-fire in the Mideast was declared upon hearing this news. Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak had these words to say, "Santa Claus will dearly be missed. The whole world suffers with heavy heart from his death. The people of this planet have been stripped of a priceless treasure. We shall never hear the words Ho Ho Ho ever again. We must take time to heal our wounds, but never forget this man's unselfish deeds"
Santa Claus leaves behind his beloved wife. Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus are without children. Earlier in his career Mr. Claus was involved in a serious accident with one of the elves that left him unable to produce offspring. Funeral arrangements will be announced when they are decided upon
If anyone has any information or tips regarding these murders please contact us at the address below. Your identity will remain anonymous and completely confidential. A $1,000,000 reward is offered for the capture of this gunman