Jackie Stewart

  
       
  

Sexist Jokes

Why is a pussy like a toilet seat?
They both feel good, but make you wonder who was there before you

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb

What's the cleverest thing ever to come out of a womans mouth?
Einstein's cock

Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them

What's the best thing about a blow job?
10 minutes silence

Why do women skydivers wear tampons?
So they don't whistle on the way down

What do you call a useless piece of skin around the pussy?
A woman

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why did the women cross the road?
Who cares? But what's the bitch doing out of the kitchen

Why are hurricanes named after women?
When they come they are wet and warm, when they go they take your house and car with them

What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck

Why did the army send so many women with PMT to fight inthe Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for four days

Why is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you

What's worse than a male chauvanistic pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told

What are three reasons why anal sex is beter than vaginal sex?
It's tighter, it feels good, and it's more degrading to women

What's the bad thing about the 69 position?
The view

What's the difference between your paycheque and your dick?
You don't have to ask for a woman to blow your paycheque

What's the most active muscle in a female body?
A penis

Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them

What are the small bumps around a womans nipples?
It's Braille for "Suck Here"

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improve their  minds?
Because some men may be stupid, but not many are blind

How do you stop a woman giving you a blow-job?
Marry Her

Why do most men die before their wives?
Because they want to

What's the difference between a woman with PMT and a pitbull?
Lipstick

Why can't you trust a woman?
How can you trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die

Why did god create man first?
He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder and criticisng

Why do some women fake orgasms?
Because they think we care

How many men does it take to clean the toilet?
None, it's a womens job

Why are women like carpets?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for  years

Why do woman rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they haven't got any balls to scratch

Which part of a womens body do they enjoy being stroked best?
Who cares