Jackie Stewart

       

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Tae A Ferty

Oh what a sleekit horrrible beastie, Lurks in yer bellie efter the feastie

Just as ye sit doon among your kin, There sterts tae stir an enormous wind

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas, Sterts working like a gentle breeze

But soon the puddin wi the saucie face, Will hae ye blowin all oer the place

Nae mater wit the hell ye dae, Abodys gonna hae tae pay

Even if ye try tae stifle, Its like a bullet oot a rifle

Hawd yer bum tight tae yer chair, Tae try and stop the reekin air

Shifty yersel fae cheek tae cheek, Pray tae god is disnae reek

But aw yer efforts go asunder, Oot it comes like a clap of thunder

Ricochets aroon the room, Michty me a sonic boom

God almighty it fairly reeks, Hope a huvnae shit ma breeks

Ta te bog I bettr scurry, Aw whit the hell its no ma worry

Abody roon aboot be chokin, Wan ot two are nearly bokin

I'll feel bettre for a while, Cannae help bt raise a smile

Wis it him? I shout wi accusin glower, Alas too late he's just keeled ower

Ya dirty wee bugger they shout and stare, A dinnae feel welcome any mair

Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free, Souns like jist the job fir me

Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty, Oer the sake o wan wee ferty