Tae A Ferty

Oh what a sleekit horrrible beastie, Lurks in yer bellie efter the feastie

 

Just as ye sit doon among your kin, There sterts tae stir an enormous wind

 

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas, Sterts working like a gentle breeze

 

But soon the puddin wi the saucie face, Will hae ye blowin all oer the place

 

Nae mater wit the hell ye dae, Abodys gonna hae tae pay

 

Even if ye try tae stifle, Its like a bullet oot a rifle

 

Hawd yer bum tight tae yer chair, Tae try and stop the reekin air

 

Shifty yersel fae cheek tae cheek, Pray tae god is disnae reek

 

But aw yer efforts go asunder, Oot it comes like a clap of thunder

 

Ricochets aroon the room, Michty me a sonic boom

 

God almighty it fairly reeks, Hope a huvnae shit ma breeks

 

Ta te bog I bettr scurry, Aw whit the hell its no ma worry

 

Abody roon aboot be chokin, Wan ot two are nearly bokin

 

I'll feel bettre for a while, Cannae help bt raise a smile

 

Wis it him? I shout wi accusin glower, Alas too late he's just keeled ower

 

Ya dirty wee bugger they shout and stare, A dinnae feel welcome any mair

 

Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free, Souns like jist the job fir me

 

Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty, Oer the sake o wan wee ferty