The future of nursery rhymes
It's Raining, It's Pouring
Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming
Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
'Pies you dumb arse!'
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon
10,000 volts went up its @rse
And turned its wool to nylon
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too cause he was gay
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun
Jill, the dill
Forgot her pill
And now they have a son
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct
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Stewart