Jackie Stewart

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Various Jokes

Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMT to the Persian Gulf?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for four days.

Q. Why is a fat woman like a moped?
A. They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your mates to see you on one

Q. Why can’t you trust a woman?
A. How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die?

Q. What is the best thing about a blowjob?
A. Ten minutes of silence.

Q. What’s the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
A. A pussy is warm and moist a cunt is what owns it.

Q. What’s the only bad thing about the 69 position?
A. The view.

Q. Why did god give men penises?
A. So we would have one thing to shut women up.

Q. What’s the difference between your wages and your dick?
A. You don’t have to beg women to blow your wages.

Q. How is a woman like a laxative?
A. They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q. What’s worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A. A woman that won’t do what she’s told.

Q. What is it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down?
A. Marriage.

Q. Why are hangovers better than women?
A. Hangovers will go away.

Q. What are the small bumps round a woman’s nipples for?
A. They’re Braille for “SUCK HERE”

Q. Why do men die before they’re wives?
A. Because they want to.

Q. What’s the difference between a woman with PMT and a pit bull?
A. Lipstick.

Q. Why is a woman like dog turd?
A. The older it is the easier it is to pick up.

Q. Why are women like screen doors?
A. Once they get banged a few times they loosen up.

Q. What’s a wife?
A. An attachment you screw to the bed to get the housework done.

Q. How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
A. Wipe your dick on the curtains.

Q. What’s the most active muscle in a woman’s body?
A. The penis.

Q. Why do woman have tits?
A. So men will talk to them.

Q. Why do woman have big tits?
A. So the dishwater doesn’t splash in they’re eyes.

Q. If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in what do you have?
A. Divorce proceeding’s most likely.

Q. Why do woman close they’re eyes during sex?
A. They can’t stand to see a man having a good time.